Photo by Wysz

I love Christmas. I should say that I love the idea of giving. I like the idea that it’s a time of year devoted to family, even though my extended family is far away and we don’t always get to spend the holidays together.

But every year I spent months agonizing over the approaching December holiday season. I have a lot of family members that require gifts, and unfortunately no one has bothered to set up a gift exchange. Being out of town, I’m not really in a position to set up the exchange.

Last year, we spoke to my brother-in-law about making charitable donations in lieu of gifts and he was all for the idea. We donated to big brother/big sisters, an organization that he has worked for in the past. For us, he donated to a foundation that works on a condition that I suffer from. We were both happy to have a little less clutter after the holidays and as an added bonus, we got a tax deduction for our gifts.

I took the same tact with my parents, although it wasn’t something we discussed. I decided to make a donation in their name to an organization that my stepfather is very involved with.

I don’t take this tact with everyone on my Christmas list. I have a brother that could use some help with household items and clothing and so I try to give him some useful presents every year. Other people get gift cards to their favorite restaurants or maybe for a massage – something that they wouldn’t normally spend money for themselves.

But I try to give charitable donations when I can. I’m hoping to expand the list of donations that we’re making this year to cover more people on our list. There are several reasons that this is easier.

  • You can give the gift anytime in December without having to fight through the crowds at the mall. Most organizations allow you to make donations through their websites.


  • People can appreciate getting the same gift every year, which means I don’t have to spend as much time stressing over the perfect gift. Maybe we give a little more money as we can afford it, but it’s probably going to go to the same place.


  • I don’t have to buy for shipping. All of our family is out of town, so with other gifts, unless they have free shipping offers, shipping charges can add up.

For our son, who is three, when asked what he would like for Christmas, I usually suggest that family members give us money that we can stick in his college fund. Since this doesn’t always work, we try to give him a small present and then put the rest of the money we might have otherwise spent into his college fund. Like kids in middle class families, he’s certainly not being deprived and since his birthday is in November, he has plenty of new toys to play with.

My husband and I don’t give each other presents for the holidays or birthdays. We have joint finances, so any gift would be funded by both of us anyway. So instead of trying to surprise each other with things that we may or may not need, we usually discuss any purchases we’ve been thinking about making. This year my husband bought himself the new laptop that he needed, and I’ll be getting a painting which we’ve decided that we both like.

While we still end up with new things around the house for the holidays, we’ve found that discussing what we’re going to get is a way to end up happy and have made decisions that we can both agree on financially.

And stemming the flow of presents being shipped in leads to much less clutter around the holidays – as long as we can make a little progress every year, without destroying the joy of the holidays – I’m happy.

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