A Starting Point
I doubt I could count all the blessings in my life. There are many.
I don’t say this in order to brag; I truly believe that most people have blessing that are many. I say this only to let you know, and to remind myself, that I have much to be grateful for and that I’m aware of that fact. I’m not really complaining. My husband and I are happily married, we have two beautiful children, a lovely home and two good jobs. We’re lucky. Very, very lucky.
Yet I still find myself feeling lost, looking for answers to some vague problems.
I’ve decided my life needs a change and that I need to live deliberately to make that happen. I’m not sure yet exactly what that means yet. And what happens if a year comes and goes and nothing has changed? Then I’ll try again. Life is all about second chances and starting over and getting it right next time.
As long as I can look back at the things I do here can be justified, with a straight face, by saying “it seemed like a good idea at the time” then I’ll know that at least it was all done with good intention.
So I begin by listing the things I’d like to change in my life without regard for how to fix them or how long it might take.
-Find a job that I love. That might be the job that I have currently or not, it’s hard to tell when you’re working for the family business whether you’re better or worse off. I’ve been there for three years and have done a lot of soul searching over that time and have yet to find an answer.
-Find more time for my children. This one does relate to my job as it currently stands. There are parts of the year where I’m absent almost all of the time and then there are other parts. My kids are growing up so fast. Every parent says this and yet no one really understands what it means until you have kids of your own. As my six-and-a-half-year-old asked to sit in my lap last night and I realized he barely fit, you realize just how quickly it does go.
-Find more time for myself. I think every parent wants this one. Just a few minutes. A little more balance.
-Find health. Having recently become aware that I’m allergic to gluten, fifteen years after I first became ill, I appreciate health more than most people can imagine. Removing pain is a great start, but I think I still have further to go in the quest for good health.
-Be kind. In words and action. I forget this one a lot. I can be kinder. I can be more thoughtful. I can be more aware of the feelings of other.
-Find calm. I think this one means meditating more. Or maybe yoga. I’m not exactly sure, but it kind of goes along with being kinder. If I wasn’t in such a rush, both physically and mentally, I think I could be calmer.
-Be a little more focused. I always have a lot of projects going on at any time. Everything from sewing to learning German to establishing a freelance career to keeping the house clean while working full time. Lots of loose ends that need to be tied up. Lots of clutter in my life that can be eliminated.
So that’s my list, as long and cluttered and vague as it is.
A lot to say and a lot to reflect on. A good starting point, as it were.
